


All of our yesterdays are only a matter of time

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Ficlet, Hurt, Introspection, Just Sex, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-05-16 03:55:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14803886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: I'm sorry, Yutti.I didn’t think that...You should’ve told me that right away, it would've been different.





	All of our yesterdays are only a matter of time

Yuto really didn’t want to think about it.

He wished he could’ve closed his eyes, get some rest, preventing his mind from taking him back to the same vicious circle, to those same images which did him no good.

He didn’t belong to him, it wasn’t something he had any right on.

And yet during the past months he had allowed himself to hope, to feel something more, something he had never even dared to think about.

He had believed in it, even though not for long.

And he had lost.

It was a game, right?

It had been only that, beginning to end, just a game Yuto had devoted himself to.

Yamada hadn't, he hadn't deemed it important enough to try.

When they had told them about the drama, and then the song, and then the choreography, and when they had realized how much the fans liked that, Yuto had felt weirdly good.

He had thought it would've been strange to act a certain way with his best friend, but he had been wrong.

Yamada’s touch still burned on his skin.

He could still see those teasing eyes, feel that warm body against his on.

And his face twisted by pleasure while Yuto thrust inside of him, and his moans which resembled screams, and his sweaty forehead, and...

And his back, next morning, when he had left without saying a word.

Yuto had believed in it. He had believed in that night, he had believed in those almost casual touches, and in that friendship that all of a sudden had become something deeper for him, stronger.

And Ryosuke had just decided he didn’t give a damn about how he felt, he had chosen to act first and ask later, just because he was in the mood for sex, just because he wanted something different, and Yuto had offered him just that.

_I'm sorry, Yutti._

_I didn’t think that..._

_You should’ve told me that right away, it would've been different._

And Yuto wanted to tell him it wasn’t true, that nothing would've changed, because they had both taken a risk without thinking about consequences, and they were both going to pay for that decision.

_We’ve been knowing each other too long, Yuto. We’ve been through too much together, you can't erase the past._

Ryosuke’s words had been nice.

Nice, and so damn empty.

There was too much time that couldn’t be erased, and too many things they had lived together which they weren’t ready to give up on.

But for him to use that as a justification, after sex not having been a problem, had almost made him laugh.

Yamada had hurt him.

And not for that inability of reciprocating his feelings, but for the shallowness in saying there was never going to be anything between them.

Let him have his friendship, his principles and all those meaningless speeches, if it served him so much to bring them up when the game got serious.

Because Yuto didn’t care, and he didn’t care about that friendship that didn’t deserve to be saved, and he didn’t care about excuses, nor of what was going to be of them from there on.

He only cared about what had happened, about the impression of Yamada’s skin on his own, about that scent and those feelings that were never going to leave his mind.

There was all of their past, all of those years, all that time that couldn’t be erased.

And that night, and Ryosuke’s words, it would've all become part of that time spent together, it would've been counted as something they had lived, and perhaps one day Yuto would've even managed not to be so hurt thinking about it.

But he wasn’t going to forget.

That time, it was never going to be erased.


End file.
